The Unnerving Uncertainty

Taking a walk. Perhaps such a simple act enables the cultivation of meaning in life. The constant vying of the realization of dreams and goals can become all too distended to see pure, ultimate satisfaction. The goal is not to achieve the goals, but rather to engage the mind in such a state that encourages the process of goal-achieving, but also the peace at which such goals are pursued. To bring such a mental state into question is awe-inspiring, for it debates the fundamental questions of human thought, or at the least, my thoughts.

Perhaps due diligence is meaning. Following the instructions of a supreme order might establish a sense of worth and satisfaction, as if pleasing the expectations of others, or dogma, is pleasing. Perhaps it is my own innate dogma, a set of expectations placed by myself, upon myself, a set of guidelines to life. Perhaps this self-dogma is too innate to delve much into depth about, but here an attempt will be made.

Why must I follow dogma? Perhaps another word is more appropriate. Why must I follow diligence? Where does the reward come from? Even if I cannot possibly see the rewards of reading science journals and textbooks, perhaps a distant reward is always possible. Perhaps this due diligence can allow the accumulation of knowledge, such that one day, the collection I have amassed will contribute to something unknown at this point in time. In essence, I am planning. The accumulation of skills and knowledge is my way of planning for the complexities and uncertainties of the future. The unknown is evidently scary. Much too scary for the all too afraid me to not do anything about it. There is an innate feeling to prepare in any way possible and arm my arsenal of knowledge to combat this uncertainty. But what if knowledge is not all that matters?

The social dimension has always perplexed me. Perhaps I have left it in neglect due to my ignorance, for I have not yet seen its importance. In an academic environment, the only efforts reciprocated by reward are those of merit, most prominently, knowledge. The more you know, the less you will fail. Perhaps this fear of failure is exactly why I follow due diligence, accumulating more and more knowledge to build a foolproof safety net to protect my ego from failure. But more about the social dimension. This topic is one of which I desperately try to avoid. The discussion of such a tedious topic is much too daunting. Though, in the spirit of human thought, I must attempt it.

Perhaps by broadening the breadth of the social dimension, I can find meaning in life. The reasoning behind this social dimension can be complex. Perhaps the increase in social interactions also increases the approval of others, something we all seek. The attention from others, any attention, any response from another human being is something we seek. To seek comfort, to seek warmth, to seek a temporary sense of refuge in this cold and lonely world. I all too often overlook this fundamental concept of human development and evolution. The reason for the success of humans have daunted me and I find every reason to avoid it. Despite my intensive protests against what I have always assumed to be a superfluous choreography, I must conform to its importance in society and humanity.

As much as I detest the feeling of vulnerability, perhaps it is that vulnerability that serves as the foundation of the social satisfaction. How might I overcome this vulnerability, such that I no longer feel inadequate to converse with those unknown? Again, this unsettling idea of uncertainty very much disturbs me. There is a fundamental distaste against this uncertainty, so much so I vex at it, I debilitate over my lines of defense over it, and I allow it to dominate my voluntary actions.

The future is uncertain. The uncertainty of life and of anything in general for that matter has grabbed the oars and steered this writing towards its inevitable pull. There is no simple, self-evident embrace that can allow my mind to lose its focus on the risks that come with not knowing. However, there is an evident contrast of the feeling of comfort and fear. In the musical context, not knowing the music can lead to many pleasant surprises. But, the not knowing can also lead to the listener missing out on the intricacies of the composition. Conversely, knowing the music enables the listener to listen. Listen to all the lines, the hidden melodies, the overarching motifs, and the turbulence of the music in its entirety. Knowing also brings forth the satisfaction when what is anticipated is received exactly by the ear. The beauty of this anticipation realization is present in all classic works. When reminded of the emotional themes expressed in Rachmaninoff’s Second Piano Concerto, one cannot help but to smile at its brilliance. Time after time, its familiarity has contributed to its absolute eloquence. Though there is harm: status quo is dangerous.

Anticipate change. Anticipate the unknown. As prepared as one can be, there must be an excitement towards the uncontrollable. Perhaps the sort of nervous excitement, the feeling of hopeful anticipation at an event all too unplanned and uncontrollable. Thought there is always the plan. As much as one plan, the currents of time will steer the ship in a direction at its own discretion. But, as much uncertainty as reality can cough up, it will never unhinge a meticulous plan. A plan is founded on due diligence, and only its conclusion can be the anticipation of uncertainty. Embrace reality, and coax uncertainty with plans.



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